It’s been a while
Alright…so lotsa stuffs happened since I last wrote to nobody. So I’m gonna give nobody an update…her goes.
My back is f*cked up, like so bad that I suffer silently everyday. You can often see me rubbing my back against a corner of a wall, I think people think I’m scratching my back bear style, but nope, that’s not it at all. I’m trying to releave the pain. I have learned a few yoga car moves that I can do at stop lights, it doesn’t really help, but I keep hoping it will.
Turning 30 truly has been a great year in a lot of ways. A part of me used to be very insecure about not understanding the dynamics of relationships, since I grew up with no real attachments. It’s only been through my adult life, that I’ve learned how to grow close with others. As a youth, I just went to a new foster home when a relationship got rough, now, most of the time I have to stick with it and work it out.
In times when someone else decided against a relationship with me, of course my feelins are hurt, but I don’t take it as harshly as I once did. Now I’ll be upset and then say, “eh”. Life it too damn short, right?
I’ve been having lots of crazy thoughts about our world. I don’t know if they’re are more thoughts or fantasies, but I am coming closer to the conclusion that when my children are all growd up, I want organize or help organize some sort of anti violence movements and protests. Basically, I know that there will always be a bad guys out there and folks are feel strongly about their beliefs and are willing to kill and be killed for them, but I have to say, I am really fuckin sick of trying to convince the teenagers I work with that problem resolution does not have to end in violence when the world and especially the US is so adamant about war. WTF anyway.
I was pretty certain of it before and I’m even more certain of it now, I am atheist. I say it loud and I say it proud. Since I first came out with my religious orientation 4 or 5 years ago, I have become more confident and comfortable in my beliefs. As it is, contrary to the belief in something, the belief in nothing does not lead to any belief bullying. I am convinced that others that do believe in something are not outlandish and should be converted to atheism, rather I am happy for them that they have found something that will hopefully lead them to a happier and more fulfilled life and by happier, I do not assume to know what that is to everyone. BUT, I have found, that trying to make other people think like me, does not make me happy. hmmm, no implications there.
Anyway, with that said, I am more comfortable in my personal relationships now too. It has taken me 30+ years to get to know someone, get through the initial awkwardness and then form a more meaningful bond. huh. It’s true, I had a really late start and a lot of bad tries and I’m sure a lot of burned bridges, but I think I’m getting close to having a similar level of maturity in my relationships as my peers. Yay, almost off the shortbus. 30 years.
Doing dishes has become habitual.
I got a dog.
I taught myself how to make jam and jelly, hello christmas presents. (and yes, it’s a damn holiday that is celebrated by almost everyone I know…I’m obligated leave me alone. And besides, I’m not celebrating the virgin birth…just being with my family and friends. so there.)
I’m gonna go back to school for my teaching certification.
I’m still in love with two people. Whatever that means, it’ll never go away.
My computer caught a virus when I was looking at porn. That sucked, but I wasn’t ashamed.
Life seems easier, I think. I like that. I think I’m gonna like getting older.
My other house is getting closer to being finished. Ethan works on it a lot and I just found an awesome deal on bamboo flooring!That’s exciting.
okay, tired now.
